Trust is built in small, insignificant moments over time.

5 Thoughts I'm Having

A mass stranding of Valella valella on the Oregon Coast in April.

Dear Friend:

There are things I will probably never write about in these letters to you. And while you might think, “Never say never,” I’m saying it will most likely be never. This is not because I’m bad at being vulnerable, or because I don’t think you’re worthy.

But these things I’m talking about are my most vulnerable thoughts—the things that are happening in real life that are only shared with those I trust the most, and almost always through an in-person or one-on-one connection.

An IRL (in real life) friend recently shared with me that she reads my newsletter, but that she never comments or hearts the posts because she didn’t want me to feel as if she was stalking me. She simply enjoyed keeping up with what’s going on in my life. It was sweet and kind. And I, of course, shared with her that my letters were a great way to keep up with my online world, and that she’s welcome to comment anytime, especially since I no longer post personal updates on Facebook and this Substack is a great casual way of connecting. But it’s also 100% okay to not comment. My only social media postings are the occasional travel photo or some photo I captured of my garden or houseplant or other random picture. These posts are typically posted on Instagram, and they might automatically carryover to my Facebook author page or to Threads. And I occasionally post on Threads a thought about a movie I just watched, or a book I’m reading. But I, by no means, do any of these things for the likes or the comments.

And let me clarify… I aim to be 100% authentic with you in these letters. Because why write letters to your friends if you’re not going to share a bit of yourself? But in order to get the things that don’t make it into black and white, there has to be a two-way street between me and the recipient of those vulnerabilities. I’m hoping you feel the same way about your own inner most vulnerabilities.

So, today, I thought I would share 5 Thoughts I’m Having about trust, vulnerabilities, and areas of my life I’m working on as we prepare to enter a new year.

1. Building trust with friends. I want to continue to focus on true IRL friendships in 2025. If you’ve never listened to Brené Brown discuss the seven elements of trust: Boundaries, Reliability, Accountability, Vault, Integrity, Nonjudgment, and Generosity (BRAVING), I can’t recommend the linked video enough. I have a lot happening in my life, and I know my friends do as well. We are dealing with devastating health news of loved ones, losing parents, children fleeing the nests (which can bring both wonderful and sad feelings), children getting married, and many other issues that are best handled alongside the types of friends Brené discusses. She often says something along these lines: trust among friends is built over time in small, insignificant moments. I believe this to be 100% true, and I think that can happen here in these letters and in real life.

2. I don’t typically participate in the “One word for the New Year” type of discourse, however, I’ve been joking with a lot of people that “Boundaries” is my word for 2025. Typically, I’m pretty good at setting boundaries in my life. One of my bosses recently commented to a coworker that “Heather is so great at setting work boundaries.” While that might appear to be true for some people, I think I need to do better in the new year.

3. Boundaries mean different things in different areas of your life. Boundaries at work (in my case, the day job) can mean that I don’t allow people to pull me into projects and overtime hours that are not part of what I agreed to do. When I allow people to pull me into additional time-consuming projects, I’m forced to give up something in my personal life. Or in my creative life. For example, if I overwork at the day job, I might not have time to write my weekly Substack letter. Or I might never finish the novel I desperately want to finish in 2025. Also, allowing someone to pull you past your boundaries devalues what your time is worth.

4. I will continue to travel in 2025, possibly even find time for a solo trip somewhere yet to be determined, because traveling is how I reconnect to myself and what I want out of life. My husband and I ventured to both Italy and France in 2024 in two separate trips, and both were absolutely fantastic, but the trip that had huge impact on my well-being in 2024 was our week spent on the Oregon coast in April. It rained the entire time, yet we spent so much time out in the wilderness. We took walks on the beach, where we witnessed a mass stranding of Valella valella. We walked to town most days. We walked through a couple of state parks, spotting rare birds, a bald eagle, deer, and elk. It was on the Oregon trip that I made a decision about a way to improve my health: to implement strength training as a major part of my fitness habit. When I returned from that trip, I took actions to make that decision part of my lifestyle, and I continue to strength train at least 3 times a week. That was eight months ago, and it has certainly changed my life.

5. I mentioned above that there are things going on in my life that I will likely never share in these letters, but I do plan to show up here on Saturdays and share certain aspects of my life. I hope you will do the same. Like I mentioned above, trust is built in small, insignificant moments over time. Time will tell what these letters will mean.

Until next time (and Happy New Year!),

Heather

---

If you enjoyed this, do me a favor and hit the ❤️ button. And don’t forget to subscribe.

Thanks for reading. This newsletter is a consistently inconsistent publication of my thoughts. You can find more of my shorter thoughts and links to things I’m reading in my Notes.

If you enjoy my thoughts and want to encourage more writing, you can do one or all of the following: leave a comment and join in the discussion, buy my books or become a paid subscriber (you can also subscribe for free, and I welcome it).